Every night in his feebly lit bedroom, he stands naked in front of the mirror, stares at his sexually confused reflection and feels nothing. He then lights a cigarette, tries to masturbate but never makes it to orgasm and then, dozes the night away. He wakes up to the same question every day, a question he doesn’t know who to ask.
He was open to the idea of being homosexual, at least till the first time he got a hard-on after accidentally watching a male friend take a shower. The threat was now real and he feared discovering his true sexual alignment. He hadn’t experienced an orgasm for almost 3 months and believe me, for horny teenage boys, three months is a pretty long time.
Pornography confused him even more. The sight of naked women was still pleasant to the eyes but he could hardly achieve an erection. Fiddling with his naked self every night wasn’t working out very well either.
A hooker, he thought, was the answer to all his questions. “But I don’t want to open with a hooker” and this option too, was discounted.
There’s very little that we know about how things figure. It was another night of mind-boggling meaningless masturbation that took forever and, out of nowhere, his phone rang. That was probably the first time the metallic pink phone was uneasy to look at. “Pink? What was I thinking?”. He, then gathered what he thought were “all things gay” in his room, hoping to find himself somewhere in the heap. He wept that night, with almost an expressionless face.
And that night, in his feebly lit bedroom, standing naked in front of the mirror, he gave his sexually confused reflection the answer “I may be gay but I don’t want to know” and broke the mirror.
You’re strangled by your servile hunger
Struggling with the odds isn’t really the question
Acceptance is only a mirror away
Gay you
Brave!